We left without saying goodbye. He was cruel the first week, he was just heartless. I have some new answers and new pride in myself. I know he was abused by his Dad growing up and thats why he has this disorder. I am going through a divorce right now because my husband met another girl at his job. My ex wanted some time to think about what he wanted so I ended it for him. And these memories have such a hold on my spirit, my heart. Then, she blocks me. However, I must add, the corporation and the hired management know, that I know their dirty laundry. So, its not that they were deceived by her, its just what is now known as corporate psychopathy, can look up, if youre interested. Be safe and contact a Domestic Violence Shelter too, worst thing is when they know youre going to leave they act all nice loving even apologizing again. I caught him once again lying about a girl and still does. My ex husband and I had been together for 14 years, we married on our 7 year anniversary. I married an alcoholic whom didnt stay in recovery. My stepdaughter has now been ostracized by him for questioning his behavior. 4. Another something else etc. I dont understand why he really doesnt leave me . He deserves a happy, whole mom who can take care of him. This was via email. Sort of creepy really. He talked incessantly about everything..why people behave the way they do and how childhood impacts negative behaviors, blah blah. He started popping pain pills right after the third year. I totally expected the ex to call back and bitch but he didnt. It was a crazy roller coaster. Her mum and split when her mum had an affair and left. He wrote again last month to say that no matter what I think of him, he loves me and nothing I could ever say or do would make that a lie. I was angry about being decieved and lied to for months while she was triangulating him an I. I called her and told her I finally knew the truth. Wouldnt he get job out of this, instead of keeping me away from it? And yes, lack of boundaries and low self-esteem ARE common denominators. 1. Should I call him, meet with him? Defends me! Thanks for this great article and the comments of others! Never tekst me called me nothing. Another great one! In normal relationships, breakups are not always mutual. -Telling their own friends and family white stories (not the whole story) that may also be aggrandized to sound better Then when hes off work they meet at the beach and go for long walks. I never said ALL of them.. What I said was they OFTEN are. I could not understand why/how he would use the detriment of our relationship to secure another. These can include: 1. Mine started calling less, being very distant and ambiguous. Should I be concerned for my safety? So dont be too hard on yourself. I even went to jail, took 21 meds for my recovery with mehe cleaned out my housethe police let him. If you have a domestic violence center, contact them and let them know youre being emotionally abused and manipulated and see if they can open a case for you based on the details of your situation. Till this day I do not have prove that this is his way of getting me to contact him, but I have seen a pattern. Now, where I once remained madly in love with my abuser, I see him for the weak person that he really is. My ex narc, after returning from a wonderful weekend away with me, promised to take me away on a surprise trip the following week. So far, so good but its bloody hard work! this is why its so important no contact, trust me I fell for it to the first timethen moved in with him and now my self estten is so bad because I have no whre to go to get away like I used to. I came across this at a time where I so desperately needed it. Then I inserted the worst photo of the narc Id ever seen and said, Ill always remember you this way. But on an emotional level it is so hard to accept that the man I so loved is just an empty shell. She never paid a bill whilst she was there. I am the ho, bitchI am not getting any help and find it very hard to ask for help. So when I saw his truck pull into my driveway, I came out my house while on my phone and slowly strolled down the ramp (I have a handicapped ramp) and went to my car to get a paper that I needed to get as he pulled up. I cant make you happy. (Not to mention the danger to ur health as u do not know if he practices safe sex with his partner). Oh this makes me so sad to read. I broke no contact. I tell him he needs to explore why. Yeah rightI asked him the night he walked out what he wanted to do with that freezer and he told me to keep it. lol I get that all the time, your mean to me, you talk to me worse then you do to a dog, you disrespect me you dont show me any loveyour right I am all those things now as I have put up walls to deal with your shit and your cheating so you know what buddyscrew youI am above you and all the crap. I bent over for her and put her above myself and my surroundings, out of pure love and kindness that I genuinely felt for this girl. So, my ex narc left me three months ago after a 3.5 year relationship for the woman he was involved with before mea 17 year relationship I had no knowledge of, in fact, it is my belief that they never ended that relationship even though he was living with me. Id been waiting since then to get another call from him to threaten me in some way over the damn freezer but nothing since then up until this past weekend. The long talks we had and the support he gave me even though he did that to make himself feel good, really helped me at a time when I was at my lowest. My way of thinking is my life is my life. They devalue you and criticize everything you do. He worked on me till he boke me . Also, if you had ever mentioned to him that you thought he was too materialistic or too sexual then the first thing he wants to do is rub it in your face how he has changed for the new supply. Theyre leaving out half the story. Before you know it, you have forgiven their faults, had babies by them and years have gon by and now you wish you would have left sooner. It was a problem when I found out that he and his friends have been flirting at work and outside work until the girl slowly detached from him as she fell in love with him. But well, you know, we talk to people as we talk to ourselves. I really thought he had gone, truly truly thought he had gone. Dear all, there is a lot to learn from all of you. I have a problem and I need help and Im willing to go through all the steps to make myself better..(probably unlikely but what if.. since shes not doing well financially and she might be hitting rock bottom pretty soon..if she hasnt alreadyidk..) She also smokes and takes valiums / adderrall and stuff like that which also contributes to her instability.plus some drinking.. I guess Im just struggling with all the emotions related to the situation more than anything. They leave you spinning, wondering what happened, without a period to the end of that sentence. You are doing great service work in this area and you should be proud of how many people you help and inspire every day. Im one of the lucky ones, only having come out of it with fried adrenal glands, IBS, and a screwed up metabolism due to the high levels of cortisol that used to be blasted out by my adrenals. Unlike your ex, mine doesnt cop to anything hes done. No time or space for other people. Do you wanna know what it is? There is no difference than that dog and our beloved Narc. Say to him to stay away for ever and nothing to do with him anymore. Get involved in voluntary work WHY DO I WANT HIM BACKWHY CANT I JUST FORGET ABOUT HIMIM SCARED THANKS FOR HEARING ME OUT, You have to realeyes that being involved with an narc is no thing like being with someone who is not a narc. So i was writing everything down only to read back a whole lot of beginnings with the beginnings of another event as the ending! Someone took away his lollipop and there is hell to pay. They may hoover, but thats another story. Again, best of luck to you . And if you do let them back into your life, you can be sure that they will do the same thing to you again but make it even worse for you the second time around. Its maddening. Vincent Cassel, the chameleon of French cinema, is not one for analysing his characters. Usually they are very emotional people, but their emotion is so great, that they find it hard to see where you are coming from simply because they are constantly dealing with their own inner turmoil. Here is letter: Much appreciated. Things were moving way too fast and that was mainly my fault. I instantly saw the wordprisoners)To make a long story short he wants to see me next tuesday for lunch, but I really do not feel like it Its painful to conceptualize never talking or seeing a person you loved for 2 1/2 years. I would still like to offer friendship (as I tried for one month), but know thats a one-sided street and really not fair to people I date. Because narcissists only connect with people who provide narcissistic supply. I just wish it was easier for me to understand her intentions. He tried to make me jealous with a over-weight woman who glares at me. All Very Shocking & Very Sad She sees that we only deal with him when we have to and even then he is difficult. I truly believe some like this drama so much and i think u nailed it when you said how the degree of difficulty was something youd never quite experienced prior to this relationship and while it takes two to tango, i am certain and am convinced that some just like it hot and bothered ! The narcissist starts to panic now that his narcissistic supply is failing.# This actually naturally occurs with people who are narcissistic. The pieces of this insane puzzle will never come together and you may never truly understand what she was thinking or feeling for you. I thought we had resolved our differences. Friend tells me there was a few of ex narcs buddies that saw him with my car; in fact, friend knows some of the same people but ex didnt know this was my friend. Often my thoughts and actions at home and work do not make sense now; and some are illegal, unethical, and stupid. I ended up trusting him and it lasted for years (i.e. Until i stopped challenging her because the consequences were outweighed by any gain. It was not until she started to pull away from me significantly that I began to lose control over my emotions and my manhood in general. But it has to. i know that i am releeved and happy. I cannot describe the way he wrote me, how he behaved, all those words to make me feel so small. When I started questioning his hobbies/spendings/ more female friends (I had enough), the devalue followed by discard happened. It almost seemed like he wanted to punish me and treat me like I didnt matter anymore (and made sure I noticed). It was one date and done, but I occasionally every blue moon thought of her and how she was doing these days. A few months later I stumbled upon narcissism online, and all the behavior fell into place. Lol I love your description of the jealousy with the overweight woman who glares at you!????? If he comes to my door, Im not answering. Prefers the Im so much better/deserve more than you attitude. Im gutted shaken to the core. You see, creating an illusion of happiness is a narcissist's favorite form of post-breakup damage control. I thought all of this was normal because every relationship has a intense, honeymoon phase and then things settle into a more routine phase. perfect boyfriend behavior). A week. You are correct- they are driven by the need to control- not the need to connect and love and help, things that inspire so many of us. Sad to hear so many people get dammaged from such sick people. I let the fragile weak women die in me and like a bird i break free and gonna be born again. I have no photos of her in the house, I dont think of her, Im clearing out things she gave me, etc. I never heard or saw him again. Hell and back was to where I travelled and it almost killed me. Who the hell knows. I am in the very beginning stages of leaving my narcissistic Abuser. There are only a few people that I really want and need in my life. Youve been emotionally and financially abused and cast-off like a paper bag from McDonalds. I mean that. some deep childhood trauma My ex accepted this and was viewed as a saint by my family. I was his hope. Declutter and clean my home When he couldnt get his way the nastiness started again. Then finally, as I am actually feeling better these days, starting to discover I have thoughts of flying fluttering around in my mind, visiting other pilots and even getting up to the launching places I have yet to fly but I trust that this will come soon so while I am manifestly getting better and confronting the anxiety and the confidence issues related to the abuses I have suffered this olive branch suddenly places my re-integration in a frame made by the narcissist. My N admitted he cheated on his wife the whole time he was with her. Then, if he does come back aroun. Theyre the type the narcissist can control. I still had no reply or e-mail from him though. That may be whats happened with you. The moment youre down on your luck, the narcissist will use the hoovering tactic to suck you back in. I smell a FEW conflicts brewing. Come to find out after he left he had been having affairs with several of our friends even before we were married. And since we know they dont take responsibility for sh*t, dont hold your breath. I say, yes, why? I miss that person. I stopped talking to his mother the day we spoke about that freezer as much as I love her, I stopped answering her calls. The problems between us also caused him to pull away from my daughter who had only known him since her birth, after our marriage and we all came to live together their relationship crumbled as well, come the first birth of our 2 daughters together their relationship had completely dissolved. Not to mention the danger to ur health as u do not make sense now ; and are. 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