Lotje Sodderland makes candid, vulnerable films laced with pathos and humour. Lotje Sodderland is known for My Beautiful Broken Brain (2014), Limbo (2021) and Can You Rebuild My Brain? Lotje Sodderland's long journey to a happy life with what she calls her "new brain" began early on a November morning in 2011. Even doing supposedly normal tasks like making a cup of tea or using a cash machine just seemed to have no coherent structure, or logic, for me. Ive also had to majorly downsize my friendship circle, because of some residual communication malfunctions. As part of that documentation, I was having this imaginary conversation with him. Id forgotten her name, and I couldnt really explain what I wanted. In a post-surgery self-filmed footage, she shares her excitementof not being dead. (laughs), I had to figure out for myself that I was never going to be the same as before and find out how can I work with the new me and see the beauty and positivity in my new limitations.. I had no strategy to survive any catastrophes of the heart was it utterly unwise to expose myself to such potential loss? Access unlimited streaming of movies and TV shows with Amazon Prime Video Sign up now for a 30-day free trial. And some risks are worth it. We sent that link through his agent, and other means of contact. Lotje Sodderland, who filmed her recovery from a stroke at the age of 34 Credit: Netflix Every three minutes and 27 seconds, someone in the UK has a stroke. It helped me to communicate - sending messages to friends and remembering what questions I wanted to ask the doctors. Im not dead. The world sounded loud: a passing ambulance; human laughter; a howling fox; birdsong everything passed through me at the same piercing pitch. Now, he says, I dont interact with people in the same way, that I have become introspective. This was a very dramatic change and it happened very suddenly, but you have to accept that change is part of life. Wellcome Trust. Sodderlands stroke left her with significant cognitive problems: impaired speech and memory; trouble with sequencing events; distorted, sometimes psychedelic vision; and an inability to read or write that persists to this day. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. I would record messages for friends, and they would record messages and send them back to me. Registered office: 1 London Bridge Street, SE1 9GF. In celebration of Aphasia Awareness Month this June, we caught up with the Lotje after the free screening of her documentary and had an intimate conversation with her to find out about her post-recovery struggles and how she overcame them. Iasked a friend if he thought I was a changed woman. Through extensive in-patient and out-patient rehabilitation that included occupational therapy, speech therapy, visits with both a psychologist and psychiatrist, she makes a profound recovery, despite the post-seizure regression she experienced following the experimental transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) treatments. Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in, When Lotje Sodderland woke up in hospital following a stroke, she charted her recovery by making videos on her iPhone. Lotjeis a fighter and she has the good fortune to have access to therapy. Though I can write, I still can't read because of the damage to my right visual cortex - all my correspondence is done through Siri on my iPhone. Five years ago, one of those people. Speech therapist Goh Huai Zhi shares his understanding of the brain and insights on aphasia recovery. Lotje, what did David Lynch mean to you before your stroke?LS: I got into Twin Peaks when I was a teenagerreally, really into Twin Peaks. Lotje has Aphasia and we see her tryingto re-learn how to use words. The documentary does a great job showing thatstroke-related disability is often not only a loss of one function or another, it is a perturbation of ones entire existence, of ones self-image. "Things were all deconstructed and disconnected and didn't make sense, so making the film was a way to relearn how to tell a story." La La Land will certainly be different, a musical comedy-drama about a young pianist and an actor played by Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone respectively, This is something of a question mark. Like all newlyweds, IT professionals Mr and Mrs Tan* had big plans for their married life after getting hitched in October 2018. Then she would strap cables to my head and apply a couple of milliamps of current to my brain for 20 minutes. First of all, something terrible has happened. He started explaining that Lotje had started filming herself and would I come and meet her? Her experience of long-term recovery is all the more poignant in light of a damning new report from the Stroke Association - published to coincide withStroke Awareness month- which says thousandsof victims are abandoned after their initial treatment,and don't receive the support they so desperately need. Videos When I didnt respond, she said, Most people cry when I tell them this. The idea was to confront me, in an attempt to get me to improve, but I found it very distressing. My vision was overcome with lurid green and purple grids. But I had this desire to document everythinga sense of wanting to make a documentary, but not in a very logical, coherent way. Ive got a really nice camera, and I make documentaries. As time passes, it becomes clear to Lotjethat things wont be the same as before. My therapist took me to the bank to get new pin codes and cards, so that I would be able to get my own groceries. This interview has been condensed and edited. I had faltered, and the words were gone Then Iblacked out, consumed by a four-hour convulsive seizure. Aphasia SG is a not-for-profit organisation supporting persons with aphasia and their caregivers. I had the camera with me, and there and then we said, Should we just try to do a bit of filming now and see what it feels like for both of us? David Festenstein, who has written a blog about his recovery from a stroke, has suggested that the video and audio recording capabilities on our smartphones can play a vital role in stroke recovery. Pretending she was an actor, playing a character in a film, also helped give her distance from the more distressing things she went through in hospital. Stuck in a passionless marriage, a journalist must choose between her distant but loving husband and a younger ex-boyfriend who has reentered her life. Starring: Sophie Robinson, Lotje Sodderland Watch all you want. When the stroke happened, I forgot his name. It is run by a team of dedicated speech therapist volunteers. As I was filming that first interview, I remember the hairs on my arms sticking on ends, thinking theres something really extraordinary about this woman and everything thats happening. And she looks great! Her friends and family are relieved. n the short term, I had to re-learn many words and struggled to put them in the right order. Some other friends, however, found it uncomfortable to hang out with an ill person or be around death. Apple should pay you guys some money! When youre in hospital and youre being constantly assessed and measured by how youre limited, what you can no longer do, who you no longer are, its very painful. The turning point came when she began to discover what she calls her core identity: a deep-rooted sense of self that persists even when all external markerscareer, romance, friendshipsare under siege. Vogue may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. Lotje: Im really fortunate to be born with an optimistic personality, and that really helped me as I kept thinking that everything was going to be OK and that the illness is actually not terrible. Midway through filming, Robinson contacted Lynch's agent to try and show him one of these videos and much to their surprise he sent them an email back. It left her initially unable to read, write, speak or think coheren. I have to use a tablet to write messages for my husband. Around April, I also started researching community groups and found Aphasia SG.. Used to solving problems and travelling the world, she suddenly couldnt understand how to get out of her flat to ask for help. I earn a living that way, but I no longer read and write. JOIN NOW Executive producer David Lynch played a pivotal role in Lotje Sodderland's recovery, as explained in this documentary. Expect major face-palming from Trekkies in July. And while I still work in film, it's in the visual side of things as aself-shooting director. Starring: Sophie Robinson, Lotje Sodderland Watch all you want. Aphasia SG is a not-for-profit organisation supporting persons with aphasia and their caregivers. At the start, my listening, speaking and understanding skills were not good. I encourage patients to find creative or unique outlets to express themselves and understand their emotions in non-traditional ways other than writing and reading. I enjoyed the daily trip, and being surrounded by neuroscientists; Iliked the sense of being an active participant, rather than a passive patient. Its impossible to prove alink between the testing and the seizure, and Iwas later told that I was always at a higher risk ofseizures in the first year after a stroke. I really enjoy words, and I always loved writing. My Beautiful Broken Brain is a 2014 documentary film about the life of 34-year-old Lotje Sodderland after she suffered a hemorrhagic stroke as a result of a congenital vascular malformation in November 2011, initially experiencing aphasia, the complete loss of her ability to read, write, or speak coherently. He shared: Im thankful for my friends for stepping in even my friend in Iran offered positive messages to my wife. The initial goal of 30,000 was exceeded by 7340. London, England, United Kingdom. SXSW. One morning, I put the Biro to an empty sheet of paper, and with asudden momentum, my hand began to write the words that Lucy, who is Australian, had dictated: Throw the bloody boomerang back, mate. A phrase! I spent a long time constructing a message, and recording what I felt. Registered in England No. Its very different. Lotje Sodderlands documentary about her recovery, made with director Sophie Robinson, is now showing at festivals; go to mybeautifulbrokenbrain.com for more information. Id been commissioned, that morning, to find five different filmmakers in Moscow to shoot and deliver video by the end of the day. The neurosurgeonexplains that with a hemorrhage of this intensity and with the severity of brain damagethat it causes, many patients dont make it, even with surgical intervention. Someone told me that the quietest place in London was the Bethnal Green Buddhist Centre. He invited us to this strange, magical event in London a few days later, where they were going to beam him in. Now I still tell stories, but I tell visual stories. In 2011, Lotje Sodderland was a 34-year-old Londoner living a life familiar to many: She worked a demanding 24/7 job at an advertising agency, traveled the world, and spent time with her wide. This was always a possibility due to her stroke, it turns out, with or without the experimental therapy, althoughthe TMS may have contributed. A bullet hits his right frontal lobe, and another hits the left subclavian vein in his chest. Published: May 29, 2020 Newlyweds take on challenges of aphasia hand in hand, heart to heart When a sudden illness robbed Mrs Tan of her communication abilities, find out how she and her husband sourced for creative ways to recover while continue to enjoy the sweet moments of married life together. Her facial grimace betrays how bleak that reality seems to herdespite theattempt to expressthe thought with a smile. It was a dreary Sunday in November 2011. Her doctor explains that the paths between her visual areas and her language areas are broken. She lost two years of her memory, forgetting her own daughter and even asking whether she herself was Chinese. She started taking video-selfies of herself while still in hospital, and two weeks later contacted documentary filmmaker Sophie Robinson to enlist her help. It was a lovely email. She doesnt try to make it sound romantic. So much was crammed into this one-off investigation by Lotje Sodderland, a 40-year-old Londoner who barely survived a serious stroke in 2011, that we had too little time to absorb what we. "It was amazing, it was all in capital letters with lots of dots," remembers Robinson. Our relationship professionally really developed once Id had the stroke. Meeting with fellow patients has helped in rebuilding Mrs Tans confidence. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. Ready for action: A caregivers journey unfolds for feisty grandma, Keeping love fun even when illness strikes, Lotje Sodderland on finding her limit-less possibilities after acquiring aphasia. When did you decide to send him a message?LS: Toward the end of the first year, Sophie was encouraging me to try. She made it her mission afterwards to understand . Living on her own, she lays in bed for a while waiting for it to happen but something nudges her to get up and seek help. Colours were brighter, sounds louder and emotions more raw. The National Aphasia Association is 501 (c)(3), Words are more like Cats than Dogs: A Commentary on Aphasia, Affiliate Highlight: Aphasia Group of Middle Tennessee. The timetable was strictly regimented: psychotherapy, neuropsychology, occupational therapy, language therapy and physiotherapy. Looking back it was actuallyvery liberating -to have no ego, no past or future, no understanding of a lost, logical life. In the beginning, when I wanted to do a film, my family thought it was really weird, but they still supported me. I started working with the abilities that I regained and that I retained. I knew who I was, and I recognised my mother and brother -but I didnt know anything else. I'm not able to work to the same level, and multi-task,as I did before. He then invited Sodderland to a video conference he was doing and when she went to LA on holiday Lynch invited her over for coffee. At the same time, having tamed my hyper-sensitive receptors through daily meditation, wouldnt it be just like the old me to risk it all in the name of adventure? [3], The film starts with a recap of the intracerebral hemorrhage (stroke) and subsequent emergency brain surgery on her parietal and temporal lobes, and follows the life of its protagonist, London resident Lotje Sodderland, in the year that followed, documenting the progress of her recovery and the major setbacks she experienced. This might well be Jason Bourne's last outing, so I hope they send him off in style, Harley Quinn was one of the most popular Halloween costumes this year, despite the holiday falling months before the release of the film she's in. I was really moved. Her brother is also joyful: She is alive! Focus on who your true friends are. 'One of the first things I remember is waking up on a hospital trolley, in an elevator. Films confused me the glaring shapes hurt my eyes. Do you remember Lotje? I was suddenly in a different world to the one I had inhabited before. Since the stroke, I've had to really transform my lifestyle and accept that things are going tobe very different. Can you put your hands on your shoulders? I didnt know what shoulders were. There was a chance, Iwas told, that I would be cleverer, faster, altogether better, than I had been pre-stroke. He told me thatIhadbeen doing my word training at homewhenIstarted hallucinating and lost myvision. When we came for the activities, my wife had to wheel me in, and people thought I was the patient.. My brother describes the old me as extremely dynamic, extremely social, very impassioned. In 2013, Lorna Smalley was rushed to hospital with encephalitis, an inflammation of the brain. I remember at one stage wanting to die because the pain was so intense. In her black hoodie with scraped-back hair, winking to her cameraphone and giving a thumbs up, Lotje Sodderland looks like any young woman making a video of herself to send to a friend. Lynch himself, in a very Lynchian series of events, actually came to play a role in Sodderlands recovery, and eventually signed on as an executive producer on the film, a prominent part of Netflixs marketing efforts. There is no silence more resounding than that of a cognitive communication malfunction. I definitely never thought I would actually send those messages to him, especially early on. It was very painful for my ears. I used it to record what was going on in my new world. Wed had one meeting, and she really stuck in my mind. I do really live in the present, which is something that a lot of people aspire to, but for me, has happened as a result of the brain damage. I was fascinated and enthralled and terrified by [that new world]. At the age of 34 Lotje Sodderland suffered a stroke that almost killed her but left her with a fascination with the science that saved her life. Niamh Malone was a clinical nurse specialist in stroke rehabilitation for more than a decade. According to her, making a film about her struggles was the first linear thought she had after the stroke. A couple of speech and language therapists visited, brandishing two versions of the alphabet (upper and lower case) in plastic laminate. But I try not to get overwhelmed by life, because there is a real beauty to that rawness. But I didn't feel any fear. NEURO SYMPOSIM BEIJING. Objects would appear, shift and disappear Icouldnt help but wonder if the world was playing an almighty trick on me. He basically said how excited he was by my brain. This year, I told my husband that I have a new goal I want to be able to argue with him. Knowing that was not the answer, Mr Tan insisted for more tests and scans which subsequently revealed a dilated pupil and a blood clot in her brain, indicating signs of a stroke. So I better not have faith in anything. I didnt need much sleep, and really enjoyed overdoing it at work and play. 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